Often, divorce gets stereotyped as something that is universally bad for the children involved. People talk about staying together for the kids because they don’t want to see their children’s lives negatively impacted by their decisions.
The problem with this (as with most stereotypes) is that you just can’t apply that rule to every case. Yes, there are children who experience some negative consequences when their parents split up. They feel unhappy, they do worse in school and so on. But there are also children who are happier, healthier and even safer after a divorce.
It often comes down to what their home life is like before and after the divorce. If the parents fight and criticize each other all of the time, it’s a stressful place for a child to live. Many children have actually admitted that they would rather their parents get divorced than stay together on their account. They did not have the home life they wanted with their parents together.
In these high-conflict cases, it seems that a divorce may improve everyone’s lives. It ends the conflict, reduces stress and gives everyone some peace. If you feel happier at home and things are now calm and restful, chances are your child feels the same way.
Of course, you also have to factor in things like physical or emotional abuse. If that’s what has been going on, trying to stay with the abusive spouse to work things out is dangerous for you and the children. You never want to put yourself in a position like that.
As you can see, every situation is different and all parents need to consider their options for their own situation. An experienced advocate can often help you make good decisions
